From jericho@attrition.org Tue Apr 27 03:59:38 2004 From: security curmudgeon To: "Yates, Anne E." Cc: pressroom@chick-fil-a.com, EthicSearch@staff.abanet.org Date: Tue, 27 Apr 2004 03:39:50 -0400 (EDT) Subject: Re: Infringement of Chick-fil-A copyright Hello Anne E. Yates (http://www.troutmansanders.com/att/bio.asp?id=576): : Our client, Chick-fil-A, Inc. ("CFA"), is engaged in the business of : providing restaurant services and related goods. CFA is the second-largest Yes. They make really tasty chicken sammiches that I enjoy quite a bit. Except whatever grease they use in the cooking process often causes my stomach to be upset. : use of Holstein cows in connection with this mark. Moreover, the "EAT MOR : CHIKIN" mark has been the subject of millions of dollars of advertising and : promotion for CFA. Given the importance of CFA's trademarks and copyrights, I don't doubt that, as I have a big plastic cow "defacing" a billboard only half a mile from my place. : It has recently come to our attention that your website, , includes a picture of the "EAT MOR CHIKIN" cows. : This picture is an exact duplicate of CFA's U.S. copyright registration : (Registration No. VA 760-668), and use of it is an unauthorized infringement : of the CFA's intellectual property. Oohh, your mail was going SO good until this part! But, unfortunately you "screwed the pooch" as the saying goes. Not only do you demonstrate you know jack and shit about how the Internet works, you prove that you are not legally competent to defend your client's intellectual property rights. If you feel you are competent, then you must be doing this to fraudently bill your client for additional wasted hours. Which is it, i'm curious? Either way, i'm afraid i'm going to have to put our correspondance up on our Going Postal legal threats page (http://www.attrition.org/postal/legal.html) which is aptly titled "Wrath of the Impotent", and i'm sure as a lawyer you will completely understand the reference (i mean, you have to hear jokes about that in law school, right?). Where was I, oh yes, igorant jack ass. Now, let me educate you, and this will be a freebie .. i'll waive all the charges you would hit your client with in the interest of being a good netizen, ok? Let's look at the URL thingy you included up there: http://tor.at/resources/fun_stuff/www.attrition.org/gallery/other/tn/eat_mor_chikin.jpg.html Now, the first part is "http://" which denotes a HyperText Transfer Protocol link. You got that part right, yay, go you!!! Second, is the site name which in your case is "tor.at". Next, let's compare the site you reference with the site I run: tor.at attrition.org Survey says?! Bzzzzt, no match! Sorry, you don't win the grand prize, you don't pass go, you don't collect 200 bucks. In layman's terms, this means you are whining like a little bitch (oh, redundant for "lawyer" huh?) to the wrong person. Instead of mailing me, you should be mailing the people who run "tor.at" probably (which is in Austria, i'll save you the research you'll bill to your client). : Your use of this copyrighted picture, regardless of your intent, is : a violation of U.S. copyright law. Accordingly, CFA requests that you Actually, it probably isn't. I could have sworn that law students learned about "parody" and "fair use" at some point.. but besides that, have you actually looked at the image? Not only is it the famous CFA cows, it isn't being used in a derogitory way. Do you have any clue how rare it is that a web site would provide FREE ADVERTISING such as that, without any compensation whatsoever? Nah, I don't think you understand that. : immediately remove this picture from your website and forever cease and : desist from using any other CFA copyrights or trademarks. You can Immediately! Forever! Desist! Oh these words are music to my ears. You can count on this backfiring you ignorant toad. Not only will I NOT remove that image (remember, it's not on my server, i can't), i will be sharing this letter with everyone in my addressbook, several mail lists, and putting it up on my web page to show how vile and repulsive CFA is acting toward FREE ADVERTISING. I guess I should have expected it from bible humping pedophiles^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^Hchurch goers. : acknowledge agreement to this request by either electronically signing at : the end of this letter and returning a copy via e-mail, or manually signing : at the end of this letter and returning a copy via facsimile to me within : ten (10) days of the date of this e-mail. Thanks for the offer, i'll pass. Instead, how about YOU fax ME a written apology on behalf of CFA. Further, promise that you will not bill your client for any time spent pursuing this "legal action", and get it notarized before faxing. In return, i'll sincerely consider not publishing our correspondance on my web site. : Although we trust that this matter will be quickly and easily : addressed, understand that CFA's trademarks and copyrights are extremely : valuable to it, and it will investigate all available remedies in the event : you fail to comply with these requests. This demand is made without waiver : of any rights or remedies available to CFA at law or in equity. You can investigate until you're blue in the face, the only remedies that will come from this are my laughter at your expense (please, don't bill me for that). : Should you have any questions regarding the issues raised in this e- : mail, we would welcome the opportunity to discuss them further. Thank you : in advance for your prompt attention to this matter, and we appreciate your : cooperation. Actually yes, I have a question. Where can I submit a proposal to your law firm for teaching your staff the basics of Internet protocols, specifically related to web sites? My rates are very competitive, i'll bring donuts to class, and i'll refrain from lawyer jokes for the full first hour of said class. : Anne E. Yates, Esq. : Troutman Sanders LLP : Bank of America Plaza T. Jericho, Esc. Troutfish Sandblaster LLCoolJay : This message may be protected by the attorney-client privilege. If you : believe that it has been sent to you in error, do not read it. Please reply : to the sender that you have received the message in error, then delete it. : Thank you. You know, being lawyers you of all people should realize just how silly this disclaimer is. First, how could I know if this was sent in error if I didn't read it? Please, for the love of monkey jizz explain that to me. Second, this was sent to me intentionally, and you are not my attorney, so this is not protected. Third, by sending mail to me, you have already agreed to my terms which are outlined by my SMTP server when you connected to it. Just because you don't know how to read said message doesn't negate the fact you did. So in the interest of full and fair disclosure: http://www.attrition.org/attrition/warn.html Since time is money and you have clients to rip off, let me quote the relevant part for you: Any mail entering this system not intended for a mail list becomes the sole property of attrition.org or the staff members here. By mailing any member of Attrition.org, you forfeit any claim of copyright. E-mail, book reviews, movie reviews, music reviews, commentary and all other submitted work become copyrighted to Attrition.org staff. E-mail confidentiality agreements and disclaimers are invalid for mail coming into this system. Mailing anyone at attrition.org denotes your agreement with these rules. Don't agree? Then don't mail us. Wonder if I can find e-mail addresses for all of these dorks: http://www.chickfilapressroom.com/leadership.asp